Rules of Engagement
by phantom.ryder
Summary: FABERRY Quinn's ego is bruised by Santana. A shiny ring on her frienemy Rachel Berry could kiss it better but with everyone a little too excited over church bells ringing in the distance, can Quinn keep a hold on the new 'relationship' AND her sanity?
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

"What's with you Fabray? You're the _top _of the freaking pyramid can't you at least try to fall gracefully to your death without crushing the rest of us?," Santana roared as she angrily pushed up from the floor and rubbed her sore back.

Even though none of the other cheerios would say it out loud, they were all thinking that their captain needed to work a little more on her footing and a little less on her backhanding slushy arm.

"You wanna walk up to me and say that Lopez?," Quinn retorted as she stretched her stressed limbs.

"Maybe I would if I wasn't too busy picking my ass off the floor for the tenth time because of you!"

"I thought you liked it on your back Lopez," Quinn said, almost letting her upper lip curl slightly at the jab.

"As if _you _get to say that to me!"

Santana bit back the more swear heavy parts of her argument as she saw the resident dragon woman make her presence known in the room.

"Lopez, keep your mouth shut," Sue Sylvester growled before rounding on Quinn. "Fabray, she's right! Get it together or I'll send you right back down to underneath that angry Latina posterior! If you can't handle it, just say so and let someone who can take the reins," she finished, shooting each cheerio a soul crushing glare for the hell of it.

"I'm Quinn Fabray. I can handle anything," Quinn insisted, hating the fact that she had to. "And if you minions would kindly give me a more stable pyramid to top then we wouldn't even be having this conversation.

"Don't make excuses, this is about you and your crumbling under pressure," Santana said as she crossed her arms in front of her, dark eyes staring right at Quinn's hazel. "Coach is right, if you can't handle it, maybe it's time to give it up to someone who can."

"Watch it Lopez, I am still your Captain. _I_ am still in charge here. Not you."

"You'd crack under a cookie so why don't you just admit that these moves just aren't suited for a … delicate blonde such as yourself."

"Are you really challenging my authority?" Quinn asked with narrowed eyes.

"I wouldn't dream of it _Captain_," Santana replied with a sneer as she continued baiting the other girl. "Not while Sylvester still thinks you're _the _shit and not just…"

"I can prove it," Quinn said, taking the hook and line with her.

"Prove what?"

"That I can handle whatever you think you can throw at me."

Santana stretched her body out, reveling in the sight of an annoyed and tightly strung Quinn almost shaking in front of her.

"Are you sure about that?," she teased seeing Quinn's jaw tighten.

"Just try me," the blonde replied tersely. "Just name the deal and we're on."

"Now what would be the fun in that?," Santana said with a smirk.

From the corner of her eye she saw her a deliciously innocent looking figure who would serve the part of being her dirty little muse just perfectly.

Rachel Barbara Berry.

The next day at school was noticeably more than the usual annoyance for Quinn. She couldn't make out what the hell the speakers were trying to announce with the idiot behind the microphone breaking out into a tearful, sniveling mess every five seconds but whatever it was the crackling was really starting to get under her nerves.

Worse was that she found the halls of her closely guarded territory littered everywhere with what seemed to be like pink, heart decorated envelopes. Quinn sighed and fought the urge to squeeze the bridge of her nose.

Just as she was a second away from wondering if someone had changed the date to Valentines day, Quinn found herself face to face with a terribly happy looking Santana holding hands with a smiling Brittany.

"Hey Q," the girl greeted gently.

"Hey Brit, tell me you didn't let this little bitch ruin my day so early," Quinn asked half heartedly, noting she already knew the answer.

Brittany confirmed her thoughts with an apologetic look as her hand was given a squeeze before Santana let go to strike her signature pose.

"What the hell did you do?," Quinn demanded to know. "Do you know how much effort I have to put in to avoid the crazy idiots that get drunk enough to try and approach me on Valentines? Why would you have to reschedule it to today?"

Despite herself, Santana almost laughed out loud while Brittany consulted her phone for the actual date.

"Free chocolates are even more delicious than regular," she said softly to herself before turning her look to Santana and licking her lips. "But nothing is as delicious as you."

"Back at you babe," Santana said with a hungry stare.

"If this is all part of the pissing Quinn off morning then fine, you've succeeded Santana but this is far from something that I can't handle."

"Oh please blondie, as if I'd bother with that small an idea. Valentines Day? Who gives a rats ass?"

Before the glaring competition between her girlfriend and her captain turned into a full blown violent extravaganza, Brittany took the opportunity to steal a little of Quinn's attention.

"Before you say anything I want you to remember the friendship we've shared up to this point," Brittany began gently. "And on that note you should remember that though I look hot in anything, we all look better in red."

"What are you talking about?," Quinn asked, her stress once again gathering into wrinkles in the middle of her forehead. "What is she talking about?"

"I'm talking about looking hot," Brittany reiterated. "In bridesmaid's dresses."

"You two are engaged?," Quinn asked, her face exploding into a million incredulous expressions all at once. "How can that even be? I didn't know Satan conducted weddings. Honestly I don't know whether to laugh or have a panic attack."

"You'll know in a moment, once you realize what I really had planned for you this morning. Here's a little sneak preview."

Just at that moment, a pissed off Coach Sylvester was making a beeline for the trio, making sure to push every student she could into the nearest locker, regardless of whether they were in her way or not.

"Fabray! I trusted you!," she shot out angrily. "Then I stopped trusting you only to trust you again and this is how you repay me? Don't you know by now that you need to ask my permission to do anything? You need to ask my permission to breathe! This whole entire… _thing _is unconceivable!"

"Coach," Quinn began nervously. "Whatever Santana has done I assure you that as Captain…"

"As Captain, you will deal with it right Quinn?," Santana said as she interrupted with a smirk. "You'll deal with it as only a Captain can. Because you can deal with anything, right?"

Sue Sylvester stayed quiet for a millisecond as she processed what was going on before once again rounding on Quinn.

"You're taking responsibility for this? Listen to me Fabray. You're the captain of the cheerios! MY cheerios and I don't know why on Earth why couples keep ending up taking place with _those _people but this better not affect your cheerleading capabilities. Do you hear me? Do you hear me? Now excuse me as I find out where that bawling ginger-headed little announcer jerk is hiding, this is not how anyone wants to start their day."

"Santana," Quinn said almost weary of the answer. "What did you do?"

"Oh you'll find out soon enough."

"Here Quinn have an invite," Brittany said offhandedly as if she'd just forgotten to hand the girl the pretty coloured envelope.

"Sooner than even I thought but hey," Santana said with a shrug. "You're the great Quinn Fabray right? Try living this one down tubbers. Oh and by the way, you can't just go calling it off. That seems like a big running away tactic which just doesn't suit your… social standing am I right?"

"Don't worry Quinn," Brittany said supportively. "You guys make a hot couple."

"You're marrying me off to that Israel dweeb? There's no way anyone could make a hot couple with him! Even if I'm in the equation."

Santana merely shook her head in disappointment.

"What did I tell you about small ideas? I like to go big or go home."

Quinn rolled her eyes.

"Got that right, boob job."

"I'm gonna let that slide if only because you're scheduled for a little hallway date with your sweetheart right about now," Santana replied before once again linking hands with Brittany as they walked away.

"Oh whatever bitch," Quinn called to her and caught Brittany turning back to wave.

"Bye Quinn! And don't forget what I said about the dresses. I also look hot in ones that are yellow with ducks on them."

"Quinn, May I speak with you?," Rachel Berry asked as she regarded the blonde with a stern look.

"Not right now manhands, I'm trying to deal with something."

"Yes I gathered," Rachel replied with a dramatic sigh. "But if I may be of assistance…"

Quinn quickly cut her off, almost startling the girl. She would have if it had been anyone else but Rachel who merely just waited for the outburst she knew was coming.

"Why in the hell would you think you have anything to do with this?"

Rachel squared her shoulders and took a deep breath, ready for an outburst of her own.

"To be honest Quinn I think I'm the one who should be asking the questions. The first of which would be why did I receive a congratulatory phone call from Kurt this morning regarding my newly discovered sexuality? The following question would be why did I receive another phone call from an unlisted number that happened to be from a rather tearful sounding Jacob Ben Israel regarding his impending jump off a nearby bridge? Don't worry… or do… he survived, and is currently making quite bothersome announcements as we speak."

"What announcement?," Quinn wanted to know.

"That's all you got from all that? The announcement regarding the engagement," Rachel replied before Quinn blew up at her again.

"What engagement? There is no church in existence that would wed Santana Lopez! Wait, did she create one? Oh my God is the announcement about Santana starting a demon cult?"

"Hold on a moment Quinn, the funeral march is playing again so the tape of Jacob crying into the microphone is about to start."

"Rachel Berry… my Rachel Berry… engaged," a sickly sounding voice echoed through the high school hallways.

"It's _your_ wedding?"

Quinn gaped at the girl standing before her until she heard the following moan seep out from from the overhead speakers.

"To cheerio captain…"

"No… nonononono," Quinn said with angry determination. "They can't take my captaincy away from me! Who did they give it to? Your fiancée? They can't make _some lumbering idiot_ cheerleading captain! No one can take my captaincy away from me!"

"To cheerio captain… Quinn Fabray!"

Quinn's face blanched as her head decided to take a spin around the universe.

"Yes they can," she uttered. "Take the captaincy, I will give it up right now. What's a captain? What's a cheerio? Cheerios… are delicious aren't they?"

"Quinn are you alright? You don't look too well," Rachel said holding her hand out in attempt to reach out the stressed out blonde only to have it weakly slapped away.

"I'm not marrying you!"

"Well yes," Rachel huffed, her patience for the princess complex captain also wearing thin. "That generally goes without saying doesn't it? What I came here to find out, even with the threat of numerous slushies coming way I'll have you know, is why the exact opposite is being announced over our school speakers!"

"I don't know."

Quinn's shoulders slumped slightly forward, giving way to the morning's stress attacks.

"Tell me what's going on Quinn," Rachel tried again, gently this time as Quinn tried to voice her feelings.

"This whole thing… It's… ridiculous! Nothing is worth this… my… oh my God I can't breathe," she said while Rachel placed a reassuring pat on her back.

"You don't seem to be taking this well at all you can't handle it then just sit down for a moment and…"

"Yes I can," Quinn growled out, her eyes once again taking on their flawless shine. "I'm handling this _fine_ Berry! Now get your hands off me!"

"If you can handle it then just tell me what on Earth is going on."

"Nothing that I can't handle. No matter what Santana has to say about it."

"I see."

"What do you see Berry? Flying pigs? Unicorns about the place. Catch one for me would you? I'll need one to give Brittany as an apology for kicking the crap out of her girlfriend."

To Quinn's immediate surprise all Rachel Berry had to say to that was 'okay'.

The brunette turned on her heel and wandered off to class with an excessively thoughtful and very strangely silent look gracing her features.

Come lunchtime however, Quinn was met with a newly renewed Rachel Berry and as was fitting with the order of the day – stress without explanation, the shorter girl seemed to be invigorated with unnecessary dramatic energy.

"Quinn, after much deliberation I have decided to accept your proposal," she announced, right in the middle of the cafeteria line.

Quinn had to resist the urge to throw an apple at her head, which she certainly would have if the round, red fruit didn't happen to be her only grip on reality at that moment in time.

"Of what?," she dared to ask.

"Marriage," replied matter of factly.

"I never proposed to you!," Quinn yelled, her apple almost turning into juice on her lunch tray.

Rachel merely waved off the outburst before continuing to ramble with her prepared plans.

"Regardless of the details I believe this is just the acting challenge I was looking for," she reported. "I have deliberated that along with the additional opportunity of safely scoring against Santana well it's an offer, or should I say proposal, that I just can't refuse,"

"Rachel stop saying proposal," Quinn almost begged for the sake of her sanity.

"Oh you said my name! Well in light of recent understandings I suppose that I will have to stop saying the word proposal if it bothers you so much," Rachel conceded as she happily accepted the blonde's relieved thanks.

"My pleasure. After all, it's about time to start dropping the words 'engagement' into conversations now isn't it? Please do let me know when you think it's time for 'wedding.'

"Rachel do you know why some animals kill and eat their young?," Quinn asked as she went back to placing food on her tray, closely followed by her calm looking new 'fiancee.'

"No."

"Funny because I'm sure that'd be a no brainer for your parents."

The two finally found a secluded spot to share their lunch as Quinn was sick and tired of being the talk of the day.

She usually enjoyed more than her fair share of attention at any particular moment in time, especially whenever she graced the halls of her high school but after the 200 questions each of her peers had continually thrown at her during the course of the day it's an understatement to even being to say she had had enough of the annoying talk.

Unfortunately, no one told Rachel Berry.

"If people ask you, as they have been asking me, who got down on their knee say that it was you alright? I thought about it and I think it would look better since you're already taller to begin with."

"What the hell else goes on in that head of yours?," Quinn asked as she took an angry bite out of a non-juiced apple.

"These details are important if we are to make a good show of being a couple. After all that's what you want to show Santana isn't it? That you can make anything work?"

"That I can _handle _anything."

"I'll keep that in mind for acting purposes Quinn, thank you. You might want to let me in on these little details so we can work sufficiently well together as co-stars."

"For goodness sake Rachel this is real life, not a movie."

"Stage play," Rachel interrupted.

"Not a stage play, it's not gonna be that easy to convince Santana that I can somehow manage to make an engagement with _you_ work, no offense, just because she dreamt it up one midnight."

"She just needs to crack before we do," Rachel said confidently. "After all, who really wants to see me be in a working engagement with _you_, no offense," she added with a small smile.

Quinn stared at the girl before offering a smile of her own.

"That wasn't bad Berry. Maybe we'll make a normal person out of you yet," Quinn said.

"Keep that in mind for later Quinn. Now, are you ready?"

"No," the blonde replied instantly.

"Well perhaps it would be better to keep that in mind for later too because Santana's talking to Brittany right over there.

"Shit. Rachel, just run I'll deal with her," Quinn said as she tried to usher the unrelenting girl away in the opposite direction.

To her chagrin, Rachel merely placed her lunch tray down and trapped one of Quinn's arms to her chest.

"Alright then, let's get this show started," she whispered to the blonde before turning her attentions to attacking Santana's sanity. "Oh Quinn, my beautiful darling…"

"I'm calling this off right now!," Quinn said as she tried to wriggle out of Rachel's grasp.

"Don't blame me for getting in character!," the shorter girl replied.

"That's a little too in character don't you think?"

Quinn was almost back to growling, her arm still trapped by the infuriating girl at her side.

"There is no such thing! How dare my fiancée say that? How can this marriage ever work?"

"It's not supposed to work, there isn't supposed to be a marriage in the first place!"

"Your acting is terrible!," Rachel insisted. "Are you even in character right now? If it was me I would at least try to break the engagement with a more thorough angry tone. The one you're using is just confused and frustrated!"

"Fine let's just try it again! But this time try not to seem like you're in character and just be in character alright? As if my fiancée would go around saying things like that while gesturing like a maniac."

"It's called stage presence! Gestures are necessary to help convey the point!"

"Wake up Berry! We're not onstage here. We have to act believably as a real life couple. That's not gonna work if I want to smack you every time you open your mouth."

"That doesn't sound like a healthy relationship at all."

"Let's just try it again and try to act normal. Fast because here comes Satan."

Santana who was wondering whether or not to cut short her Brittany loving time just to piss off Quinn had her decision made for her purely by look of annoyed panic on her blonde face.

"Got it," Rachel said before dropping Quinn's arm like it burned and making a hasty exit.

"Rachel? What? Where are you going?," Quinn whispered after the girl as Santana sauntered up to her with a pouting Brittany attached.

"Hey there Quinn. Still surprisingly minus your significant other. Already scared Berry away?"

Just in time to cut off the blonde's quick retort, Rachel returned with a nod towards the two newly arrived cheerios and a gentle kiss placed on Quinn's cheek.

"Hey," she whispered to the girl as she blinked shyly up at her.

"Hi," Quinn replied, genuinely surprised and even more surprisingly calm.

Santana's eyes narrowed immediately.

"Wait. That's it? No freaking out about… anything?"

"I'll have you know Santana, that Quinn and I share a very healthy relationship. One that we were planning on keeping under wraps but thanks to some _helpful _person, we've found that maybe we can handle the publicity of it after all."

"Is that so?"

"Yes in fact it is so. Quinn is a very capable partner who tries her very best to avoid smacking me even when she truly wants to whenever my mouth is open."

Quinn's jaw decided to drop on cue while Brittany rubbed her front onto Santana's side, determined to get her attention regardless of where they were.

"They're kinky. That's hot," she whispered into her girlfriend's ear.

"That's disturbing," Santana replied with a frown as Quinn rolled up her jaw in order to speak again.

"We're not kinky!"

"We could be kinky," Rachel began, again in the calm tone that was honestly starting to freak Quinn out. "If that is what's required from today's generation of normal engaged couples. After all that is what we are."

Santana balked at this.

"That can't be possible! After all I'm the one who…"

"The one who what Santana?," Quinn asked with a raised eyebrow. "You're not getting all weirded out by this are you? I mean maybe the one who's really having issues with not being able to deal with simple happenings is… you."

"Alright Blondie, what's your game?," Santana asked, her tone lowering dangerously.

"I'm sorry Santana but my gorgeous fiancee and I were scheduled to share a moment together before class starts," Rachel interrupted, pointedly changing her position so she could wrap an arm around Quinn's waist and cling to the taller girl. "So I cannot let her engage in any arguments with you at this time. Perhaps later on today-"

"Oh just shut up Berry. Let's go B before I throw up all over this hallway. It's already disgusting enough as it is," Santana said as she dragged a waving Brittany down towards one of their many secret happy places.

As they were out of sight, Rachel unwrapped herself and looked up at Quinn like a puppy expecting to be praised.

"Well?," she asked the girl, her imaginary tail wagging.

"Well what?"

"How was my acting? I felt as if I should have given a little more into the initial 'hey' but I thought you might enjoy a somewhat more played down greeting."

"It was…"

"Yes?"

"You did good Berry," Quinn conceded.

"You really think so?," Rachel asked again even as Quinn nodded at her.

"Halfway normal."

"Fantastic! Well, seeing as the first bell is about to ring and I have rather large amounts of textbooks to carry to my next class, how about walking me?"

"Yeah. Sure."

Desensitized to the million questions being thrown her way regarding her 'recent engagement,' the thankful blonde carried Rachel's books into the classroom the girl shared with Santana.

She even hung around a little longer than necessary just to grind down on the Latina's nerves a little longer.

While Rachel was busy dealing with Quinn's not quite so unwanted attentions, their fellow glee club members who also shared the class had more than their fair share to say about the recent turn of events.

"We've entered the twilight zone!," Mercedes reported. "Seriously you guys this is creeping me out."

"Hold on a moment," Kurt replied. "There's a group of well muscled football players over there, I'm going to try my luck."

"No!," his friends, and the universe said to him with enthusiasm causing the boy to pout.

"Why not? Rachel and Quinn are _engaged_ to be _married_! If any exists, I'm willing today's my day to make anything happen.

"Don't say that kind of thing aloud," Mercedes insisted as she looked around for signs of divine retribution.

"She's right man," Puck agreed. "You're not allowed to say a damn thing from now on. I don't wanna have to deal with shit getting weirder than it already is. I mean I do have a plan and all but I don't think I'm ready for a full scale zombie attack right now alright? Just keep it in your pants for now.

The other two merely blinked at him, silently asking 'wtf?' through their silent blinking language before Kurt spoke again.

"I told you, the universe is all off-kilter you should have let me try my luck with those footballers."

"My answer is still no… especially now that I have a frightening feeling that you might have actually succeeded," Mercedes replied.

Thank you for reading.

Hope to see you again next chapter.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

* * *

Leaving her last class before lunch Rachel was surprised meet with the strangely less than ice cold glare of the cheer leading captain.

"Ready to go to glee?," Quinn asked as she automatically took Rachel's books.

"Quinn forgive me for saying this in such a disbelieving tone but you play the part of fiancée rather well. May I ask if you've been receiving acting classes on the side?"

The blonde suddenly realized her own actions and threw Rachel a glare as she shoved the girl's books back into her arms.

"Oh just shut up Berry. And carry your own books."

"I would gladly do so except one of my arms seems to be busily entangled with one of yours and I lack your kind of athleticism."

Quinn's response, a low growl, prompted Rachel to retract her words, as well as her arm.

She was used to the less than warm treatment from the resident HBIC and merely nodded as she repositioned her load.

Expecting to meet their fellow glee members as soon as they walked in, the two girls were surprised to see a familiar set of arguing strange people disguised as their school teachers alone in the glee club classroom.

"Scheuster, just you try and tell me you're not responsible for the strange happenings around my Mckinley. My Kingdom!," the blonde roared.

"Sue, as always, I don't really have time for any of… you right now," her counterpart replied as he tried not to make eye contact.

"Your team of glee losers tiptoeing around quietly? Cheerleaders being nice to people? Rachel Berry speaking in a regular tone of voice? This reeks of you. This entire situation is as sticky as the numerous tubs of gel and wax amalgamating on your head."

"Whatever the kids have done I assure you that it has nothing to do with me. I try to be a good teacher but they have their own lives to lead and I try not to meddle in that too much."

Rachel deposited her things on her favourite seat while Quinn merely took to standing annoyed next to the door as the arguing continued.

At that point Sue was up and pointing at the tired looking man who looked as if he wanted to melt into his seat.

"Don't you dare lie to my beautiful, strongly featured face," she began. "Especially when you're using this club to breed what you think will be the next generation of high school freaks! Have you really thought this through William? Have you? The freakiest of them all, that Berry with my invincible cheerio captain! They'll create freaks that can't be killed!"

"I'm not trying to breed anyone together!," Schuester replied as he threw his arms up in the air in exasperation. "And if you're talking about Rachel and Quinn, they have names by the way, they're both females! You can't just… hold on… are you trying to tell me they're together?"

"I am watching you William. Like a fat kid would a chocolate cake and if you make one wrong move… I'll be on you. Like a fat kid _eating_ a chocolate cake. You're the cake William, sweet and squishy on the outside and disgustingly sweet on the inside and I will put my teeth right on you."

"In case you two haven't noticed, we're in the room," Quinn huffed, her arms still folded in front of her chest.

"And just in case Santana has hidden video cameras with the help of my resident stalker, we are in the room and very much together as a newly engaged couple," Rachel added with a smile.

"Good, we're glad you're here," Sue Sylvester said as she pulled Quinn in and sat the two in front of her.

Quinn heaved a sigh at the closing door and heaved a sigh at the decisive sound it made.

"They're here for glee Sue, we need to continue this discussion later, the other kids will be here soon too," Schuester said.

"No they won't, I cancelled glee," the short haired blonde replied matter of factly.

"You cancelled… you don't have the authority to do that!," Schuester replied.

"Even though I should, I know, I signed the notice as you."

"What?"

"There's no need to act so scandalized, it's my ego that took the bruising. You should feel honoured."

"I feel mostly annoyed and confused," the male teacher replied as he fought the urge to hold his head in his hands.

"It's alright Mr. Schue, Quinn feels like that all the time," Rachel said as she deposited a friendly shoulder pat on the man. "Maybe soon if you're lucky, you can find someone to propose to too."

"I never proposed to you Rachel!," Quinn said angrily. "Why you think that would actually be of comfort to anyone is beyond me."

"And you both can live happily ever after with your own solos!"

"I'm going to leave now," Sue said even as her eyes narrowed at the group. "Because there's plotting to be done and I can't do it here because you all piss me off. But be assured that I'm watching you! All of you! Especially you Quinn, see you at practice later."

* * *

Once Mr. Schue had confirmed that the evil presence in the room had all but disappeared he did his best to lay his disappointed look on the two remaining girls.

"It's come to my attention that you two are… dating?," he began worriedly, still somehow hoping that the whole thing was a Sue induced nightmare he was likely to wake up from seconds later.

Unfortunately for him, Quinn merely shrugged as Rachel expectedly took the role of answering for the both of them.

"We're engaged Mr. Schue so let me thank you in advance for your early wedding present of allowing us both to sing solos for the upcoming…," she started before getting a smack on the arm from her still silent fiancée.

"Rachel did you really just say that?," their teacher asked disbelievingly. "So you two are actually… I mean… really, truly… not jokingly…"

"Engaged to be married, yes," Rachel said with a nod.

"You two. Engaged… you really just said that?"

"She did. In a normal tone of voice," the blonde girl confirmed even as Rachel nodded excitedly beside her. "You're welcome."

"We are really engaged, yes. Now about those solos…"

"To … each other?"

"Yes. Mr. Schue, Quinn and I are engaged to be married to each other. Are you paying attention to me?," Rachel asked with a frown.

"I am really trying not to right now," the man admitted.

"Welcome to my life," Quinn huffed.

"How did this come about exactly? Were you two at a party recently? I'm not pressuring you to name names but… did certain seedy people offer you two some strange smelling cigarettes? I hate to break it to you girls but those were actually recreational…"

"Mr. Schue we would be honored if you would attend the wedding, perhaps as one of the sponsors. It would be the least we could do after your approval of our solos…"

For the umpteenth time during the same conversation William Schuester gaped at the couple sitting in front of him.

"Are you two on drugs?," he asked seriously.

"No but are you offering?," Quinn replied without any sort of joking tone.

"We're high on love Mr. Schue," Rachel quipped.

"I think we should just leave it at that before one of us overdoses."

"I … might need to see someone about this."

Quinn leaned back in her chair, too tired from her own life to even think about arguing.

"Alright but try to get see someone privately, the school related psychs are all backed up with other people freaking out about us."

"Noted, thank you Quinn."

"Isn't she sweet?"

"I'm going to leave the classroom to you two but, remember you're still on school property so try not to get so… handsy with each other alright?"

At the that the blonde promptly sat up. Tired as she was there's no way she was going to let him insinuate that she and Rachel would…

"Thanks for the warning," the brunette said. "I don't know how you heard but Quinn apparently has this habit of smacking when she gets excited."

"I really didn't need to hear that Rachel."

"Don't listen to her Mr. Schue, I don't know what she's into but I am not the kinky one in this relationship. There are just some heated moments when I find myself unable to refrain from smacking her, that's all."

"Quinn you really don't need to explain the details or our relationship. Mr. Schue just specifically said that he didn't need to know."

"I'm gonna hit you right now Rachel."

"Don't start in front of me!," the teacher said as he scrambled to collect his things before heading straight for the door. "And I mean it, if I hear tomorrow that strange sounds were coming from this room I am going to be very displeased with the both of you."

"Don't worry Mr. Schue, I'll make sure Quinn keeps her hands gentle for the sake of our relationship."

Mr. Schue didn't even pretend he had the words to reply and soon the couple were on their own once again.

* * *

"I really should hit you for that last one Rachel, you know that right?"

"Again Quinn I really think we should work on giving you some more healthy outlets since we're in this relationship for the long run."

"No one even said we're in a relationship!"

"I would have to beg to differ. The whole school is saying it. Anyway, now that he's gone, perhaps you'd like to take this opportunity to ask me what my plans are for this evening."

"And why would I want to do that?"

"Well, it is a Friday night and social rules dictate that you and I need to be seen in each other's presence in a public, well lit area possibly dining or enjoying a movie together. I thought it could serve as a good opportunity to work out how we'd like our engagement to play out."

"That can't happen until we take a trip to the mall and get you some new clothes," Quinn said as she planned to normalize the situation as best she could.

"Why? I have plenty of clothing items available at home."

"Because you need start looking like someone I would… you know," Quinn started as she readjusted her ponytail.

"Let it out Quinn, it's important to try not bottling up your feelings all the time. Maybe if you said it you'd look less green."

"You need to start looking like someone I would marry," Quinn finished as she leveled a look at the girl.

Rachel nodded her agreement as she txted her fathers about being home late that night.

"Oh never mind, that seems to be rather terrible advice. Sorry Quinn, now you look more green."

On that note, and apparently silently agreeing to Quinn's proposal, the brunette wandered out of the room with a final dramatic flip of her hair over her shoulder.

* * *

Quinn sighed and thanked whoever she had to thank for the silent moment. She knew that Santana could cause trouble but this was really pushing it.

Before she could wonder about her next move, her thoughts were interrupted by yet another unwelcome and very vocal entry into her world.

"Hello," Kurt greeted cheerfully as he walked into the room.

"What do you want?," Quinn replied less than cheerfully as she cursed her luck.

"Is that any way to speak to your best man?," he replied with a cocked eyebrow even as Quinn scoffed in his face.

"Wouldn't you be more of a bridesmaid?," she asked.

"Right back at you Romeo," Kurt countered. "Isn't it funny that it's always the tall pretty blonde girls that end up being the tall pretty blonde grooms?"

"What's funny is that I have no idea what you're talking about and yet I don't care. I would so obviously be the bride. Don't you know who you're talking to?"

"Even Quinn Fabray can't out bride-zilla Rachel Berry and even Quinn Fabray _knows _it."

Quinn mulled over his words, annoyed that there seemed to be some truth in them.

"You'd still be a bridesmaid," she mumbled.

"Well yes, in an ideal world," he conceded. "But rumour has it that a few fights have already broken out between the cheerio factions as they try to decide who will actually get to be bridesmaids at the wedding, gladiator style. I don't really want to be a part of that. I dislike sweating. And females in general so… you see where I'm going with this right?"

"I do so spare me the details of your existence."

"Again, I am to be your best man, or more correctly, Rachel's best man but standing next to you because you're the guy so if you wouldn't mind dialing down the bitchy tone, I would be grateful."

"What_ is_ that you want? Did you come here so I could hit you too?"

"Wouldn't Rachel be upset over that?"

"What the hell kind of relationship is everybody at this school imagining Rachel and I have?"

"Don't think too deeply on that one Captain Fabray, you're gonna want to stay at least a little sane for the wedding planning. Anywho, I have actually come to offer my services to you. It's come to my attention that although you're the high and mighty queen around here that it's Rachel that's taken the lead on most things so far."

"How would you know that?"

"I have instincts."

Quinn's eyes narrowed further and she stood out of her seat to take on her well practiced glowering pose.

"Alright I've been following you around waiting for an opportunity to present myself as a bridesmaid but as I previously explained, sweating does not become me and…"

"Enough! Just say what you have to say without… saying that much, I already have to deal with Rachel and she's like… ten of everybody else!"

"That's sweet, you think she's a ten!"

"I will maim you Kurt, regardless of whether you think Rachel will become jealous over it."

"I really only have one piece of advice along with several requests regarding football players that I hope you'll hear at a later date when you're much less angry but primarily, I think all you have to do is remember who you are."

"Look I don't have time for any of this right now alright? I have to get ready to meet Rachel's fathers at some point during all this and that's gonna take some careful planning."

"Well with a fiancee like yours who needs a mother in law right?"

"Did you just crack a stupid joke at the expense of my... fian... Rachel?"

"Your Rachel?," Kurt let out a giggle before Quinn's suddenly aggressive posture forced him to turn it into a cough hybrid.

"Geez Louise, try to relax a little! I was only trying to lighten you up! Now turn that frown upside down, we don't want wrinkles before the ceremony. You should listen to what I'm trying to say though. I mean, Quinn Fabray… doesn't being in charge come naturally to you? Go cause some wrinkles for other people instead, they don't belong on your face."

* * *

**AN:**

Special thank you to those people kind enough to leave reviews.

More to come.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

* * *

Later on that day, Quinn managed to get both Rachel and herself safely to the mall without being hounded by the rest of the student body.

That isn't to say their classmates didn't try however, Quinn definitely needed to make use of her glare a little more than usual. Rachel too, did her part by pretending to open her mouth to speak which for some strange reason also helped to scare some students from daring to approach them as they walked to Quinn's car.

"I can't believe those people," the blonde huffed in annoyance as she steered Rachel into the nearest deemed 'acceptable' clothing store once they had gotten to the mall. "Even people who I thought I'd scared into oblivion dared to ask me to come to our wedding."

"At least you didn't have to deal with cheerios who used to hurl slushies at your unsuspecting sweaters asking if they could be bridesmaids" Rachel replied with a frown.

"I'm sorry about those," Quinn mumbled guiltily as she remembered the part she had to pay in those ridiculous high school hallway popularity games.

"I know! It's quite obvious that when it comes to bridesmaids, my first choices would of course come from the members of the glee club."

"You know that's not what I meant Rachel. I was talking about the... you know... the slushies."

"Yes well, let's let bygones be bygones, there's no use dwelling on the past when there's weddings to be planned."

"Rachel-," Quinn began.

"And Santanas... Santanae... I don't know the plural... to be beaten!," the brunette interrupted. "After all, we have her to thank for this opportunity to show the others what we both can handle right?"

"Right," Quinn replied with a sigh sensing that Rachel didn't really feel like talking about their less than smooth past.

"To be honest I'm kind of enjoying the way people are looking at me like I'm something more than a glee club freak right now," the brunette said offhandedly, though she still kept the smile on her face.

"You were never a freak," Quinn assured her.

"That's not what the whole world would have me believe I assure you Quinn. Though… I am thankful for your kind words."

* * *

Very close by, enjoying some caffeinated beverages with delicious pastries sat two of the mall's most loyal customers.

However, at that very moment, the trendy coffees were being ignored in favour of some stressed out frowny faces.

"There needs to be an intervention. We need to intervene!," Mercedes said as soon as she caught sight of the couple who appeared to be sharing comfortable conversation while perusing the a nearby store.

"Calm yourself Mercedes," her man loving partner in crime replied. "There's no need to have an asthma attack. I for one like the idea of them being together.

"You just like the idea of possibly having a shot with some unsuspecting footballer," Mercedes said while Kurt took a sip of his drink and nibbled on a pastry.

"You think I have a shot?," he asked hopefully.

"No I was talking about you having that _idea_," she replied with a smile.

"Well in any case I think it's going to be fine. When I was speaking to Quinn earlier…"

"Wait you spoke to Quinn about all this? And you're still alive?"

"Barely but yes. It was a bit touch and go for a moment there and she did mention smacking once or twice but she seems generally upbeat about the whole thing," Kurt said, though he was dedicatedly looking for any football player prey in their immediate vicinity.

"Wouldn't smacking you make Rachel jealous?," Mercedes asked honestly.

"That's what I said! Anyway I think we should let things lie as they are for now. And by that I mean, keep a close, stalker like watch on the situation and watch the great drama unfold before our very eyes."

"Ok," she replied simply as she continued watching the couple who were deciding what Rachel should try on.

"I thought we were intervening?"

Kurt raised his eyebrows at the girl's changed tone and craned his neck to get a better look at the shopping couple.

"I thought this would be weirder than it is but Quinn looks like she's helping de-sweater Rachel's wardrobe so that's kind of a bonus for everybody."

Kurt nodded as if he couldn't agree more.

"Maybe Quinn is staging her own kind of intervention right now," he said. "What could go wrong, right?"

* * *

"This is all going terribly wrong," Quinn said as she watched Rachel excitedly peruse the racks of clothing in front of her.

"What is? I'm having fun! Did you want to try one of these shirts on too?," the brunette replied as she grabbed yet another 'not-Quinn-approved' item of clothing.

"You've taken everything I've thrown into your arms and dropped it in favour of _ridiculously_ coloured things. Did you get that top from the children's section? I'm sure I'm not the first one in your life to tell you that not every item of clothing needs a cute item emblazoned on the front of it."

Rachel gave the blonde a huff though she continued her hunt.

"If you didn't want me to shop for things that are my style you shouldn't have brought me to a place with a children's section! Things generally fit better from there!," she said as Quinn rubbed at her own temples.

"You're not that small Rachel," the blonde replied.

Rachel almost dropped all of her rainbow coloured prizes as she turned on the tired blonde.

"Quinn Fabray! Are you calling me fat? Here I am, shopping for clothes with you, at your request when you haven't even had the decency to take me to a jewelry store for our engagement ring!"

"Again, what on Earth are you talking about? Wait, spare me and don't even answer that. I'm done with this. Get your not fat ass into that changing room and try this this and this on," Quinn said as she picked out an outfit on instinct alone.

Rachel paused for a moment before giving her 'partner' a nod.

"So you think my ass is sexy?," she asked with a smirk as she made her way towards the changing rooms with the annoyed Quinn closely following behind her.

"Just get in there!," the blonde growled. "I swear that girl will be the death of me," she said as she leaned on the wall while Rachel changed.

"Let's hope so Captain Fabray," a sneering voice said suddenly.

Quinn, annoyed and yet almost expecting this annoying blow from the universe merely raised herself to full height in preparation to face the new threat.

* * *

"What are you things doing here? I feel like I've destroyed you once before. Oh I'm sorry, that might have just been your reputation," she said.

"Funny. But not quite, we are still as popular as always with all those nobody minions at our high school. So what are you doing here? Taking your dog out for a walk?"

"First of all, this is a shopping mall not a park. Second of all get lost or else," Quinn warned.

She of course knew why, they were cheer rivals from different schools, but the girls standing in front of her definitely rubbed her the wrong way.

"Or else what?," the girl sneered back. "I don't see that Rottweiler Lopez hanging around with that poodle of hers, what exactly do you think you have to threaten me with?"

"Believe me, for your own sakes as well as mine, just get the hell out of here before she finishes changing," Quinn replied, just a moment too late as Rachel had brushed the changing room curtains out of her way and had already began marching towards them.

"I don't mean to interrupt but I heard your rather annoying voice whilst changing into more appropriate attire that Quinn happens to approve of. Anyway, since we're going with the theme of dogs I would just like to say that I think I would make a very convincing angry Chihuahua who would gladly come to Quinn's aid if she should need it. After all that's what any good fiancée would do," Rachel said in one breath with no strain to her lungs at all.

Quinn merely shrugged though she enjoyed the gaping looks the other cheerleaders threw at her kind of fiancée.

"She can't bite but she will talk your ear right off, believe me. And good job Rachel, that outfit looks great on you."

"Thank you Quinn and may I compliment you on your previously angry yet unthreatened tone of voice? It was very dramatic, I could really sense your motivation."

"Could you people not date so openly? You're bringing down the mood in the mall."

"The mood was ruined when you showed up Miss nameless cheerleader from rival school," Rachel said while making shooing motions at the girl.

"We're not dating right now," Quinn added just before Rachel's agreeable nod.

"And yes, for your information we're not dating right now. Quinn is trying to purchase me a new wardrobe so we can date later. She's paying if that wasn't clear. She wouldn't let me pick out any of the things I liked."

"To be honest, I'm only doing this because I think you have horrendous taste in outfits and I am sick of seeing you walking around in them when clearly your good looks are being overshadowed by the fact!"

"Are you two sure you're together?"

"Well since we're sharing! Quinn Fabray I am sick and tired of staring into your beautiful eyes and gorgeous face when I wake up every single day for that fact to be coupled with your never calling me!,"

"Berry how did you manage to turn that into _this_?"

"I was merely insinuating the fact that I awaken to your face as my cell phone wall paper. Since we're a loving, engaged couple after all."

"That is not what everyone else thinks you insinuated," Quinn told her in a warningly.

"What would they think? Are you insinuating that you think that I'm not good at insinuating? I am!," Rachel replied, rather outraged at Quinn's tone.

"What reason would I have had to call you? All I would get is… all of this," Quinn said as she motioned to all of the brunette.

"You can't even think of one reason?," Rachel asked her, her outrage turning into full blown scandalized. "The reason _is _all of this!"

The cheerleaders in front of them shared looks with each other as their leader frowned at the scene.

"Even I would have called," she said. "You're apparently marrying the girl, and that's big news believe me, I mean it even reached _our _grapevine… even if she sucks at insinuating."

"Stay out of this! I demand Quinn answer for her own insensitivity when the only reason I exist here is because of her need to marry me!"

"She lives for you Fabray."

"What she's saying, in her own ridiculous way is that we're only here because she sucks at dressing herself in the morning!"

"So what, you help after giving her a good night?"

"I hate the world!"

"Why don't you two just kiss and make-up, with luck maybe you'll catch some crazy from her and finally be out of my hair come Nationals," her rival said with a laugh as she gave an obnoxious wave at the couple.

* * *

"What did you just do?," Quinn asked as she returned all of her attention on Rachel.

"I'm not talking to you until you give me an apology," Rachel replied with her arms crossed in front of her in a manner reminiscent of the HBIC herself.

"And what exactly should I apologise for?"

"I don't have to tell you, you just should. And you will if you want this marriage to work."

"As I've said a million, billion times before, there is no marriage!," Quinn roared until she caught a glimpse of Rachel's unmoving facial expression and decided to give in for the sake of her sanity. "Fine Rachel, I'm sorry."

"You should be. I have excellent taste in clothing."

"Just tell me what the heck you were thinking saying all of that stuff! I'm sure you don't know who they are but those people are our biggest cheerleading rivals. Of course it's not like they can hold a candle to me but it's probably best you don't get on their bad side alright?"

"Well I had to do _something_ they were trying to suggest that you and I weren't actually together and I for one take that as an insult to my acting skills."

"Let's just get this shopping trip done and over with alright? I'm really tired and we still have a lot to deal with tonight."

"Alright! But remember… you're definitely paying."

"Fine, fine," Quinn replied as she scoured the store for anything she thought would suit Rachel before ushering them both towards the cashier.

Once the brunette was fully laden with enough outfits for seemingly a year's worth of dates, she raised her eyebrows at the uncomfortable looking blonde in front of her.

"I don't know," Quinn began. "Am I not supposed to… drive you home or something?"

"Of course not Quinn," Rachel replied as she readjusted the bags in her hands. "We have our official first date coming up tonight, we need at least a few hours apart to miss each other before then don't you think?"

"I'm trying to think as little as possible in light of recent happenings," Quinn replied.

"What was that Captain Fabray?"

"I mean, yes. Right. Whatever you say Rachel."

"Really? So are you saying that you'll miss me?"

"No! Why would I miss _you_?"

"There's the Quinn we all know and love! See you later sweetheart!"

"Whatever Berry. Look I'll pick you up at 8 from your place alright?"

"And where will we be headed?"

"Uh, I don't know yet. Maybe the movies? I guess we should keep it a surprise."

"How romantic! 8 it is then. See you later!"

* * *

Quinn went straight home after that, if only to bathe in the normality of her own room, or so she planned.

In reality she spent hours looking through her own wardrobe for something fitting to wear to the date. Rachel was the good girl type so she was fully prepared to be greeted by the girl's parents as soon as she walked up to their front door. It wasn't like she was expecting to get the full interrogation of course, after all it was only the first date.

She should have remembered it was Rachel Berry's parents she was dealing with.

"Well come on in!," Rachel's dad said as he answered the door for the blonde standing awkwardly in front of their house.

Quinn followed him in and was met by another friendly looking individual who motioned for her to make herself at home in their living room.

"Don't look so nervous! We don't bite," he said to with a smile.

"Why don't you sit down and tell us a little about yourself?"

"Or a lot, we don't mind! After all, it's been rather a long time since Rachel brought home anyone she was so excited to be going out with."

"She's excited to be going out with me?"

"Why of course! And don't think that we think that's only because you're a girl too. Rachel's always been very open to the thought."

"She has?"

"Oh please honey, let's take a little look around and see what she's grown up with!," he said with a teasing wink.

"You two aren't making Quinn nervous are you?," Rachel chastised as she finally came into the room wearing Quinn's favorite outfit out of all the items they'd bought that day.

"Of course not honey! Your father and I were just trying to get to know your gorgeous date a little better."

"She is gorgeous though isn't she?," he asked as he smiled at Quinn once again. "And so nervous! That's so cute."

"Well of course she's gorgeous," Rachel agreed easily. "She's Quinn Fabray after all."

"So spill the details already Rachel! How did you two meet? Who asked who out?"

"I don't want to bore you two but due to some unforeseen circumstances Quinn and I are engaged to be married."

"You really don't pull punches do you Rach? Not for sanity, not for freaking anything huh?," Quinn asked even as Rachel's fathers smiles quickly turned into rather intimidating glowers.

"You didn't get her pregnant did you? Not when I was about to make a very humorous joke, if I do say so myself, about how at least you can't get her her pregnant!"

"Of course not!," Quinn replied indignantly, trying to regain some sort of control on the situation even though her head felt like it had fallen down some stairs.

"Qunn didn't get me pregnant daddy, it's alright," Rachel said as she stood between the two men and the suddenly green again blonde.

"Are you trying to tell me you let someone else get her pregnant?," her dad asked while Rachel placed a reassuring arm on Quinn's arm.

Of course the move merely fanned the flames as her fathers saw it as an 'it's alright' motion towards the very evil person who had defiled their precious daughter.

"My baby girl!" her dad said. "She's so young and so beautiful! Not that I'm saying you would be sharing non-beautiful genes but… oh my baby girl!"

"Someone needs to breathe some normal into this conversation before I pass out," Quinn groaned out, so distressed that she was actually leaning into Rachel's strangely comforting figure.

"No one is pregnant. Everybody just calm down," the brunette said as she continued rubbing Quinn's arm. "In fact, tonight happens to be our first date, should you discount the earlier events of Quinn defending my honour against much less attractive cheerleaders."

"To be fair Rachel, I think that was mostly you defending me."

"Don't have a moment in front of us!," the two men yelled together in perfect unison.

At least there was something to be said about _their _unyielding, loving relationship. Quinn would have preferred otherwise however as the two men immediately began shooting gapless questions at both her and Rachel.

"You two haven't even been dating?"

"So, is this some kind of arranged marriage?"

"Who arranged it? You do know marriage is forever do you not?"

" Are you two in love?"

"We have very strong feelings for each other sir, that much I can assure you," Quinn interrupted at the first sign of a question she could at least try to answer.

Silence suddenly filled the room as Rachel's fathers looked her up and down.

"Well I suppose such things develop when you're in such close proximity to each other all the time."

"And you are excessively good looking and you say you hold strong feelings for our Rachel," dad said.

"While she seems to care quite a bit about you too," daddy added as he watched Rachel continue to comfort the blonde.

"Indeed they do," Quinn agreed, very naturally. "In fact to be honest I'm feeling some rather strong feelings towards Rachel right now."

"That's kind of sweet, you like her so much you don't even mind saying that in front of her fathers."

* * *

**A.N:** Thank you once again to the people who left reviews.

It really has been a very long time since I've written anything but I've had some time and a little bit of inspiration.

This couple is fun to write and play with and that's exactly what I was looking for!

Let's hope I can give them a fun ride too, at the very least.

It's pretty much going to stay funnily fluffy the whole way through with a bit of stress for drama's sake.

We're only talking speed bumps, I'm in no mood to throw anyone off a cliff ;D

Thanks again guys.

See you next time!


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

* * *

"That was more dramatic than I expected it to be," Quinn said once she and Rachel were safely back in her car and on their way.

Though she was flashing a charming half smile, Rachel noted the tell tale sign of nerves catching up to the blonde from the way her slightly shaky hands gripped the steering wheel.

"Were you expecting to be picking up some other girl from some other house?," she quipped to lighten the mood.

"I should have seen that one coming huh?," Quinn replied with the small laugh Rachel hoped to hear from her.

"I'm sorry if that happened strangely," the brunette said sincerely. "I wasn't planning on telling them so early but then you were there and they were there and I remembered that I'm really bad at lying and it just… came out of my mouth."

"Lots of things happen to do that. You should really start watching what you eat."

Rachel raised her eyebrows.

"What happened to you thinking I had a sexy ass?"

Quinn merely scoffed to herself while the brunette settled into her seat, as she felt the driver next to her and the mood in general relax.

"That's very funny," the blonde said.

"I thought so," Quinn threw right back, her smile growing. "You should try stand-up in the future."

"I would but I'm afraid I'll be too busy starring on Broadway. Keep that in mind please Quinn, I don't want you to think I'll be changing my dreams just because I happen to be engaged to you now. You'll just have to do your HBIC poses in New York right along with me alright?"

"Back to answering in paragraphs I see."

"Don't blame me for being an incessant plan maker."

They shared a comfortable silence then, much longer than most people have ever shared with Rachel Berry in the vicinity. It was long. Seconds long.

"So where are you taking me?," Rachel asked just when Quinn was thinking about pulling over to check if the other girl was still breathing.

"I'm afraid we're going to play it a little cliché tonight," the blonde replied. "Movie and then maybe dinner?"

"Oh I love clichés! And those are the best! There's a reason classics are classics you know."

"I have no idea about that. I'm quite sure what I'm dealing with is pretty damn original for people of my age and demographic."

"You're Quinn Fabray! And here we are."

"There's no need for you to actually say that. I know we're here, I drove the car," Quinn said as she pulled into the closest parking space, hopped out and walked into the complex with Rachel hot on her heels.

"Oh let it be, I was just setting the scene! And you forgot to open my door for me by the way."

"You think I'm the guy too? Did Kurt give you the talk about him not liking sweat and women?"

"Were you two having that talk because you wanted to tell him that you like sweat and women and are therefore the guy in this relationship?"

"The only thing you got right in that sentence was the fact that I was cornered into a talk with Kurt. So what movie did you want to see?"

"Smooth subject change there Romeo."

"Uh huh. So, what movie?"

"You're really letting me choose?"

"So?"

"That's very sweet of you Quinn. Very gentlemanly, chivalrous even!," Rachel said as she mock curtsied to the other girl.

"I was worried you'd say that," Quinn replied even as she fought the urge to mockingly bow back.

* * *

She would still try as much as possible to avoid being dragged into yet more dramatic situations with Rachel. There had to be a limit on how much one's life could play out like something other people watched with popcorn.

She took another look at the excited looking brunette had latched on to her arm and was happily perusing the framed posters on the wall. Stopping one in particular, she motioned to it and Quinn was surprised to find something that didn't seem Rachel Berry's style at all.

"I overheard some cheerios saying that this interesting blockbuster just came out."

"We don't have to see anything some stupid cheerios wanted to see. You don't actually think I have the same taste as them do you?"

Rachel quirked an eyebrow, deciding not to enter speech mode at that moment.

"As if I'd be happily standing here with you if I thought you were still like those slushie wielding maniacs!," she joked. "Actually, they apparently wanted to see it because it has copious amounts of wedding scenes and they wanted to, umm, hold on, let me remember how they put it… be 'all up on the down low' or something to that effect, for the sake of their Captain."

"Those are the same people who fail to crack a book for finals and they're researching weddings? For my sake? And I'm sure you just butchered that term by the way."

"Did I? I really wouldn't know."

"Come on let's just get tickets. I don't want to think about this anymore, every time I think cheerios I think Sue Sylvester."

Rachel beside her shuddered and dropped her arm, apparently meaning to wander off somewhere on her own.

"I'll get the snacks," the brunette announced.

"So I suppose that means I'm getting the tickets huh?," Quinn asked, though she pulled out her wallet without an ounce of hesitation.

"You're the guy after all!"

* * *

Rachel made her way to the concession stand and collected a drink for herself and a few things she thought Quinn would enjoy during the movie.

Humming some show tune or other, she looked back to where people were lined up for tickets, trying to spot the familiar blonde mane.

Her cheerful mood however was quickly ruined by the sight of high tied ponytails and matching smirks on three girls that were stalking towards her, each armed with an ice cold, supersized slushie.

Rachel wondered why people would even sell those to cheerleaders, with their diet there's no way they could actually drink them. The brunette's thoughts wandered to Quinn's figure as she thought about the many ways the blonde probably had to expel any calories she actually took in.

A moment later, she cursed herself for letting herself get lost in those sorts of thoughts instead of finding away to escape the imminent danger.

"Look who it is! It's Fabray's little Chihuahua," a cruel voice snickered next to her.

Rachel steeled her jaw and raised her eyes to meet them.

"I'm sorry I don't seem to recall ever meeting you people before. Could you move out of the way please? I'd like to head towards the ticket purchasing area."

It was an honest comment. For Rachel Berry who had to deal with countless numbers of less than sweet moments with ponytailed young women, their features seem to mold into one until all she could remember were their words and the feeling of ice sliding down her neck.

"We met like four hours ago, what do you mean you don't remember us?," another girl said, bitchy tone rising, the words flying out of her mouth in attack formation as Rachel tried to shake unhappy memories away.

"Relax she's just trying to get us hyped up like the nerd she is," the third said.

Unlike her friends, this one seemed highly uninterested in Rachel and looked like she was actually there to see a movie.

"Just because Santana isn't here doesn't mean you get to be all blasé about this alright?," the first girl, obvious leader type chastised her.

"Whatever. Not my fault this one is an uninteresting nerd," she replied.

"I believe I am considered a 'geek' by your kind, not a nerd. And again I must apologise but I need to get back to Quinn…"

"She's here? That's just perfect."

"We'll play with her when we feel like but right now why don't we give you a little something to jog your memory?"

Rachel's arms were suddenly grabbed in a death grip as two excessively athletic, lean muscled girls almost threw her into the nearest bathroom while the third followed as she was commanded.

"Let me go! I carry a rape whistle!," Rachel said as she struggled uselessly against them.

"You would have set it off by now if you did."

"Are you people going to rape me?"

"NO! Don't flatter yourself, how many times a day does Fabray smack you in the head?," the first said as the second threw her hard against the wall.

The third winced as Rachel groaned, her shoulder hitting the surface with force.

"Even I'm not interested," she said, trying to keep any semblance of sympathy from her voice. "You're just not my type."

"Enough flirting, what's wrong with you?"

"Yeah just hurry up, everyone knows slushies are much better when icy, icy cold."

Quinn frowned as she made her way around the complex for the third time, their movie was due to start in a few minutes and though she herself couldn't care less, she figured Rachel to be the on time for trailers type.

The blonde had checked various bathrooms already and was about to walk into another when a soaked and shaky Rachel made her way out, her eyes dropped to the floor.

* * *

"What the hell happened to you?," Quinn asked, all thoughts of the movie flying out of her head.

She pushed the door open to see if the ones responsible were still in the vicinity, her eyes set into an angry glare.

"I'm fine Quinn," said a tiny voice next to her. It was almost unrecognizable to Quinn, a whisper almost. Definitely nothing like the voice throwing happy jabs at her in the car.

"You're not fine, you're shaking," the blonde replied.

Quinn was annoyed, angry even and she knew it showed in her voice as Rachel looked even more saddened.

The blonde tried to comfort the girl with a hand in apology only to have her recoil from her touch. "Tell me what happened. Tell me what's wrong."

"Nothing, I just… can't take you yelling at me right now alright?"

"I'm… I'm not gonna yell. I'm sorry.

"It's like the slushies are the international language of cheerios," Rachel said with a humorless laugh. "Do you think the flavors are code for something? Like blue is simply 'you're a loser,' while purple is a more heartfelt 'I wish you'd never forget every mean name I ever called you because I think it's all true."

Quinn sighed

"Rachel look at me," she said.

"I don't think I can do that right now Quinn. I don't really want you of all people looking at me like this, trying to comfort me after a slushie attack of all things. You shouldn't even be here, they could come back."

"Are you saying that because you're scared for me?," Quinn asked thinking that the chances of that were low. "Or because you're scared of me?"

"I don't know Quinn. I just feel really cold right now."

"Come here."

"You'll get sticky," the brunette argued even as the blonde closed in.

"Don't make me ask twice… because I will if I have to. Rachel… come here."

"I'm sorry. Your clothes will be ruined."

"I'm the one who's sorry."

"I hardly think you were part of this particular slushying. It's a word, I coined it."

Quinn smiled a little as that, taking the lightened tone as permission to step closer.

She wrapped Rachel in her arms and whispered softly into her hair.

"I'm sorry I couldn't protect you. I'm sorry I wasn't there."

"Thank you for being here now Quinn. I feel much safer," Rachel replied.

"Then why couldn't you look me in the eye earlier?"

The mood was broken and Rachel pushed away gently, making Quinn frown once more.

"Perhaps it would be better if you enjoyed the movie on your own and allow me to call my fathers to come pick me up?"

"That would look just fantastic wouldn't it? Me taking you out the one time and not even bothering to take you home myself… but managing to somehow get you abused by jackasses who only wanted to come after me."

"If you're so worried about that, I'll call someone else. And don't act so self important, I assure you I attract my fare share of people who want to 'come after me.' I just don't want to be here anymore Quinn."

"I'll take you. Let me take you somewhere else ok?"

"I… can't be around you right now either."

* * *

That night, the blonde lay awake for so long that she pretty much expected it when her alarm went off telling her that the next day had indeed arrived and she needed to get up and get dressed into something that she wasn't wearing the night before.

She walked into school, bitch face on maximum, just knowing that it wasn't going to be a good day.

"We need to exchange words," Kurt said at some point between the blur of classes she had just sat through.

Quinn was almost surprised, she didn't think anyone would actually be stupid enough to approach her. Especially at her locker where she was apparently expected to keep a cacophony of nerd beating weapons as HBIC.

"I'm busy," she replied as she threw textbooks into the locker, liking the satisfying sound the metal made in complaint.

"Probably but I can't bring myself to care," Kurt replied.

"That's a pretty ballsy thing to say. Coming from you I'd call that highly unexpected," Quinn said, pausing to give him a full frontal view of her unamused face.

"Coming from you, I'd say that you'd know," he countered, his gaze wavering a little.

Even though that was the case it seemed the boy had gotten a strange sense of conviction somewhere. Quinn ran her eyes over his clenched jaw and at the balled up fists at his sides.

This was Kurt though, Quinn knew he would never punch her even if she asked him to, which by the way he was acting in front of her, he seemed to think she did.

"You heard about last night?," she asked.

"Through tears. Yes," he replied tersely.

"And you've prepared some sort of a big sister speech to throw at me?"

Quinn kept her voice calm but was prepared for his response. Punching really was out of the question but it was still Kurt, she knew she should be prepared for some sort of diva slap.

"Not really no," he replied with a sigh, surprising her completely.

"What then?"

Kurt frowned at her then, making her feel like she should know exactly what to do all on her own.

" If you can't be the almighty HBIC right now, then what the heck are you good for? Just… go fix it you idiot."

* * *

Quinn had no idea how to do that of course, but she at least knew where to start.

The blonde headed off to the cheerio lounge, throwing the door open as if she owned it, which was generally accepted as the case anyway.

The other girls raised their eyes at her, some standing in recognition of her prescence.

"We're calling off the slushies," she announced and rolled her eyes at the shocked gasps and annoyingly toned 'oh my God's.

"On who?," one girl asked, blinking up at Quinn reverently.

"On everyone. Stop all of them," the blonde replied.

"What's with that?," another girl asked, in a tone Quinn found much less acceptable.

"Question me again and I will hurl the slushie _machine_ at you. I won't repeat myself, I don't want to hear of anyone wasting even a single drop of the stuff. Got it?"

"Yes Captain," the girls chorused.

"Good."

The blonde glared at the room for good measure, making sure pause at those she thought were generally less obedient than others just until they dropped their gazes to the floor.

She didn't bother looking Santana's way however as she knew the girl would do whatever she liked regardless of how long they decided to hold their staring contests.

"Quinn's bitching out all over everybody and it didn't even have anything to do with me. I must be losing my touch," the Latina said to the beautiful blonde latched on to her side.

"Feels kind of good huh?," Brittany asked with a smile.

"B! I told you not to say such embarrassing things to me at school!"

* * *

Meanwhile in an almost empty glee classroom, William Schuester had once again been cornered by his arch enemy.

"I'm not sure this is really necessary. They have actual parents to deal with these things. We as their teachers really have no right… or reason… to make these sorts of plans," he said.

He merely watched as Sue Sylvester paced around the room and took a deep breath. He knew she was only preparing to either shoot down whatever he just said, or worse, match it with something ridiculous.

"I demand a prenup."

"Oh come on Sue, it's not your wedding! They should decide for themselves how their money and belongings should be separated!"

"I'm not finished! I demand a prenup from you! I demand that any future offspring that results from the upcoming ridiculousness, that I still blame you for somehow, shall be completely off-limits to you and your loser club."

"That both parents happen to be a part of," Schuester replied.

"I believe the eldest of which would serve me well as cheerio captain while the following could serve as a substitute in case her sister gets somehow wounded by Santana's future spawn. I am nipping your club right in the bud Schuester, just you try and wriggle out any future cheerios from under my nose. It won't work this time!"

"This isn't going to work either Sue!"

"It's not like I'm asking them to name children after me! But they should at least try to make them all blonde and tall. It fits the role better. I want Santana's to be sexy and snarky. Creating them shouldn't be a problem for her and Brittany at all. They do it like rabbits even though I know that they know I know!"

Schuester was up on his feet at this point and calling out to her even as the Coach was making her way to the door, she had said what she had needed to say and couldn't care less about listening to any_thing_ else.

"There are rules! Life rules, rules that normal humans should live by and also, the rules of human biology!"

She merely waved a hand up in dismissal, leaving him to have no open moves except for a childlike stamp on the ground.

* * *

**AN: **

I hope you guys enjoyed the read.

To reviewers: Thanks so much for taking the time to drop a line or two :)

See you next chapter!


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

* * *

By the time the last school bell rung, Quinn was just pulling up into an unfamiliar parking lot.

Her attitude remained firmly in place however, this was still a high school she was walking into and she is still born to rule.

She made her way confidently to the front doors, head held high and attitude on maximum just to ensure anyone she walked past knew exactly who topped their food chain, only to be greeted by a step halting smirk.

"Hey Q," Santana greeted nonchalantly from her post leaning against a nearby wall. "First you try to make me believe you're cool with the whole Berry thing…"

"I am," Quinn interrupted. "I am handling that whole thing just fine."

"That thing, this thing, you don't seem to be handling anything terribly well. Do you even know you just pulled up at the wrong high school?"

"I have business _here_ Santana. So if you'll excuse me…"

"Where exactly did you leave Berry last night?"

"What the hell are you talking about Santana? She was with me."

"Is that so? Well you did a good job playing fiancée there Fabray."

The blonde let out a growl in response. She was already bristling about her lack of forward thinking the night before that resulted in Rachel giving her that… hurt look… that she just couldn't get out of her head.

She looked at Santana once more, about to bark leaving orders, not caring if the other girl carried them out or not. A little yelling would take the edge of her stress at least.

However, Santana once again managed to open her mouth first.

"After a little digging post your little lounge room bitch out, I got reports saying that she got plastered with the cold stuff in a movie theatre bathroom. Are you sure you're _handling _this? Never mind handling it well, I'm talking about at all."

"It's none of your business."

"Yes it is. I introduced the happy couple after all," Santana replied, her tone too serious for Quinn to remain comfortable hearing it.

She was saved from having to formulate a suitable response since apparently Santana wasn't finished.

"That and people are asking if you'd given me 'orders' to go and 'straighten things out' with those wannabes. People think we have a hella strange relationship."

"They do," the blonde agreed, not knowing what to make of that information either, her fingers moving to massage her temples.

Santana nodded and made a show of stretching out her limbs.

"Right. So did you want me to go straighten things out or what?," she asked as she wandered over to stand next to Quinn, ready to match the girl's stride once she stepped back out onto the warpath.

"No Santana, go home to B or something. I'll deal with this on my own," the blonde replied as she readied herself.

"Oh look, just because I like to stir things up with you doesn't mean that I'm willing to let you march your ass into a beating. This is their _school_ by the way and you're all alone."

"So you're here to stop me?"

"No genius, I'm here to watch because I was bored."

Quinn turned to her then, thinking over whether to just smack the girl right there.

In her current mood she'd give even Santana a run for her money. Or so she hoped. As uncaring as the girl was about seemingly everything but Brittany, she was still freakishly strong.

Deciding it would be better to focus on the task at hand, Quinn contented herself with a frown directed straight a girl.

"Just go away Santana."

"Bored… and I feel like tipping the odds a little in your favour."

"No. They crossed me and I'll defend her on my own."

Santana's eyebrows went up at that.

"Her… dammit… me! I'll defend me on my own."

"Well alright. But I'm gonna stand here anyway. My presence should help. Just because I'm awesome like that."

Quinn nodded as walked through a door, turning her head back to call at Santana once more.

"Don't jump come marching in there like some messed up cavalry even if you think I need you."

"I don't answer to you!," the brunette called back.

"Just… whatever ok? If I take a long time, _I'm _the one laying the beat down alright?"

"Yeah yeah. Scratch what I said earlier. I didn't come here because I thought you needed help or anything. Go get 'em tiger!"

"Shut up Santana."

* * *

The Latina giggled uncharacteristically to herself before being surprised to feel a familiar weight leaning on her side.

She turned her head to find a tall blonde smiling cutely at her. The Latina thought about how she would have been _all _over that if they hadn't been standing outside the doors of some other high school with their sometimes friend inside about to raise some hell.

Moments later, she remembered she didn't really care about that and grabbed Brittany around the waist, pressing her up gently against a wall and greeting her with insistent lips.

When they finally parted, the blonde smiled sweetly at her.

"B? What are you doing here babe?," Santana whispered, her forehead still pressed against the blonde's.

"I followed my instincts and found you here. I thought Rachel would want to come so I brought her too."

On cue Rachel Berry stared at the couple, a frown etched firmly on her face.

"I was told we were to meet Quinn but all I've met with is a very much uncomfortable scene during which I've had to watch you two attempt to devour each other in front of a strange rival high school. I know people think I'm a prude – I'm not by the way I just haven't found the right one – but I'm quite sure that even people thought I wasn't I would still wait until we were in the privacy of our own school hallways."

"But you have found the right one," Brittany replied.

"Exactly how much of my sentence…s did you actually listen to Brit?"

"Oh just relax Berry we were just saying hello."

"I don't even like any of these people walking around but I think you two have traumatized them with your type of kissing. You looked like you were trying for children."

"Had to busy myself with something since your fiancée refused to take me out to play."

"Quinn? She's in there? You let her walk in there all on her own? There are too many slushies in there! Santana!," Rachel said as she smacked the other girl.

"Relax you damn angry elf!," Santana replied as she rubbed her arm. "It's a school, not a 7-Eleven and she's a big girl, I'm sure she can handle it."

* * *

The blonde in question was at that moment posed at the school's main hallway.

She grabbed the nearest boy by the scruff of his collar and tossed him against a wall Sue Sylvester style.

"Bring me to your cheerleading captain," she growled dangerously at him.

The boy merely gaped at her before a quivering lip parted to let out terrified words.

"I can't go in there! They'll hurt me!"

"Not as much as I will if you make me repeat myself. Besides, if you get me there fast enough I'll let you escape before things really get _explosive_."

"Who are you?," he whispered up at her, fear seeping from his very breath.

"I'm just a girl with a bitch and a blonde for apparent best friends and a diva for a fiancée. But right now I am very, very pissed off with your school and your mere existence is about to set me off so … cheerleading captain now please, or death will come."

Quinn let go of the boy and watched him scamper off while she used long strides to follow him, the sea of students parting for her in nervous awe.

* * *

"To what do I owe the pleasure Fabray?," the resident HBIC asked as Quinn walked straight into her territory.

"You tell me. It's one thing to attack each other but what your minions did were completely uncalled for. Either own up that it was your idea so I can ram my fist into your face or bring them to me right now."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," the other captain replied.

Not caring if she was being honest or not Quinn marched towards her anyway, her speed and expression making the other girl gulp as she stood to meet her.

"Those little bitches went wilder than they should have and last night they crossed the wrong person. What I want to know is do you want this to continue as a discussion or turn into a brawl?"

"You've brought Santana with you?," the other girl asked, a bead of sweat rolling down the side of her face.

"She's posing outside but right now… you should be worried about me."

The other cheerleader called a trio of names. Judging by _her _tone it was obvious this wasn't the first time the trio had caused trouble for her. They sauntered in mockingly, though apparently they still held their captain in medium regard.

They showed up after all.

Quinn turned to them, eyes blazing.

She knew not so random acts of violence at other schools were unlikely to make Rachel any happier than she was so Quinn was prepared to go with good old fashioned McKinley cheerio promises.

"If you three come near my fiancée again," she started as she walked towards the girl in the middle. "I will rip your ponytails out of your heads… with my bare hands and then make you watch as Santana burns them in front of your faces."

"Oh please Fabray, as if you would," the leader girl got out before her words were strangled in her throat as Quinn took her ponytail in a death grip as promised and yanked as hard as she could.

The other girls in the room winced in pain as they watched the biggest trouble maker on their squad fall to her knees in pain, tears streaming from her eyes, some would later swear that the McKinley HBIC had yanked so hard they heard a ripping sound and blood dripping on the floor.

"Am I understood?," Quinn whispered into the girl's ear.

"Yes," the girl cried.

"Is there anything you'd like me to pass on to my fiancée?," Quinn asked as she yanked again, just as hard, making the other girls gasp at another strangled cry.

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I swear we'll never do anything like that again!"

"That's nice," Quinn said as she was satisfied. She let go of the girl and made a show of wiping her hands on her skirt as if she'd been touching something dirty.

Throwing another look back into the room as she walked out she nodded at her counterpart HBIC.

"I'll see you at Nationals."

The other girl dumbly nodded as another cheerleader ran into the room and almost fell, distraught at her feet.

"Captain! Somebody flooded the field locker rooms with slushies. It's all over the mascot costumes, our props… they covered our cars!"

* * *

"I also brought slushies," Brittany announced nonchalantly as she waited outside with Santana and Rachel. "I don't have them anymore though."

"What exactly did you do with them?," Santana asked.

"Nothing, it was Rachel's idea. I thought I was going to have to bribe the slushie people with lady with kisses but Rachel started talking and they agreed just to get her to stop."

"That's my girl," Santana said sincerely, making a grossed out face as it was Rachel who answered her.

"Why thank you Santana. That's very sweet of you to say."

"Not you Berry!"

"What was sweet of her to say?," Quinn asked as she was surprised to find three smiling people waiting for her rather than the expected one scowling one.

"Oh you're back," Santana said with an uncaring wave. "Well this is boring now, I'm out and I'm taking B with me so handle this one on your own."

Just like that Rachel was pushed in front of Quinn and caught in warm, stable arms.

They looked at each other for a moment, neither really knowing what to say.

A beep from a nearby vehicle with two cheerios happily smirking and waving at them quickly broke the moment.

"What are you waiting for Berry?," Santana called from the driver's side window. "Say hello!"

Rachel quickly blushed and started to find the floor excessively interesting as Quinn was left wondering what was happening whilst she busied herself with ass kicking.

* * *

When the heat in her cheeks had subsided, the shorter brunette raised her eyes once again to find Quinn looking at her with a small reassuring smile.

"I talked to Kurt," Rachel said softly.

"He told me," the blonde nodded.

"And by 'told you' you mean he gave you a speech and you thought it was a good idea to listen to the most dramatic person at our school?," Rachel said as she pushed Quinn's chest gently. "Wait, forget I said that, I am the most dramatic person at our school!"

"You're definitely the most dramatic person at our school," the blonde replied, her smile turning swiftly into a smirk.

"This isn't the time for flattery Quinn, I'm trying to have a serious moment here," Rachel said as she offered a grin of her own. "Now I demand we run that through again."

"Can I be honest for a minute?," Quinn asked before she let the brunette set of on a detailed Rachel rant.

"Of course."

"I'm really sick of being so serious," she declared.

"Oh," Rachel said, taking a breath while formulating a reply. "Would you… like me to crack a joke? I know one about some giraffes and elephants. Or was it zebras? I can't remember that well but it's a joke involving some animals. But these animals talk, which is the entire basis of the joke's humour. Should I call Kurt and have him google it?"

"No Rachel that's alright," Quinn replied with a chuckle. "You don't need to call Kurt just to have him google animal jokes."

"It really was very funny though! Perhaps it was about hippos... hippos are generally seen as being funny animals aren't they?"

"Let's just go play somewhere," the blonde interrupted with a nudge. "Anywhere."

Rachel regarded that thought for a moment before nodding slowly.

"Though that sounds nice, we'll need to pause that thought for a moment Quinn, there's this thing that I need you to have a look at," she replied before handing Quinn several pieces of paper that literally looked like they were fought over.

"What is all of this?"

"Coach Sylvester hit me with it earlier, literally, I think she may have left marks on my head. Anyway I think she wants both of us to sign it. She said something when she handed it to me after the hitting but you know how most things she says come out just as growling to me? Well that happened again. It seems to have Mr. Schuester's signature on it too but it's kind of scribbly like someone forced it out of him. I imagine it was done through a headlock with possible back prodding.

Generally some or all of the things Rachel had just reported would have gotten more of a reaction from the blonde in front of her but as Quinn flipped through the pages she found she had much less energy to think that she had just the moment before. One gets that feeling when all the blood rushes from their head.

Rachel looked at the girl who's visage turning paler by the second.

"Quinn are you alright? You look like I look when Mr. Schuester denies me those much deserved solos in favour of group bonding."

"Rachel did you read this? It's a prenup! This has stuff about kids!," she yelled as she let Rachel pull them to the car.

"It does speak of our future children. Yes."

"Eldest daughter… second daughter… how many kids does she expect us to have?"

"Who knows Quinn, but honestly if she expects so many to be on the cheerio squad we're going to have to have rather a lot so that some can be in theater at least… apparently none are allowed to be in glee."

"Rachel are you hearing yourself? Oh my God! You signed this!"

"I am. And I did. Don't sound so surprised Quinn! It's written up to actually be quite fair."

"It was written by Coach Sylvester!"

"Again Quinn, we already knew that, now if you could just sign it, I was told that we need to mail copies to Brittany and Santana soon so they can regard it as a 'sample' while Coach drafts a prenup of their own."

* * *

"What exactly is going on here? Usually when I cause trouble more trouble comes from it," Santana suddenly asked as she remembered their exchange with Quinn and Rachel.

Britanny smiled at her girlfriend, nuzzling into Santana's neck.

"But they look good together, even though they don't think they're together," the blonde whispered, pouting when the other girl pulled away only to pace around the room. "I think you did something nice for them San."

"What? No! That can't happen! Come on B, get your cute butt up. We have some planning to do," Santana replied, subtly evading when Brittany tried to pull her down again.

"But baby the bus is leaving early tomorrow and Coach Sylvester will kill us if we're late, can't we just share lady kisses until we have to go?

"I can't believe I forgot all about that… Brit! You're a genius!"

"You're doing that evil glare thing again San."

"Sexy?"

"Totally. But it's making me a little worried."

"Don't worry baby, this is gonna work!"

* * *

**A.N **

As always, thank you for reading and thank you for the comments!

I really like it when Quinn and San retract their fangs and turn into kitty cats around Rachel and Brit but it's nice to see them hit the badass switch once in a while! ^^


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

* * *

The following morning, Rachel Berry was happily running a breakfast errand. What she didn't know was that she should have been focusing much less on breakfast and much more on either staying hidden at home or running away.

Moments before she was due to arrive at her soymilk laden destination she was suddenly grabbed and dragged to a secluded part of the parking lot by someone she would deem as having freakish strength in lightly toned arms.

"Unhand me you fiend!," Rachel yelled before her mouth was covered by a strangely gentle hand.

She caught sight of a dark vehicle with a door thrown open and realized she was truly in trouble when she was unceremoniously tossed inside and locked in.

"Damn child lock you foil me again!," Rachel said as she shied away from the person who had just gotten in the driver's side and revved the engine.

Many things ran through her head in those few seconds. Like whether she was being kidnapped by would be rivals due to her superior talent, or whether she was to be sold due to her superior talent or whether she was to be put on display… due to her superior talent.

Once she had gotten a good look at the driver who was at that moment steering them on towards an unknown destination at rather a great speed, Rachel's thoughts shut down completely.

"Santana? _You're _the one who's kidnapping me? This is _much _worse than I thought!," Rachel got out as only Rachel could.

"Volume down Berry! Some of us in this car still has hearing ability and you're about to change that with your megaphone for a mouth!"

"Why are you kidnapping me? I demand to know right now Santana! Tell me! Is it because of my talent? We're on the same team! I can coach you if you want! Just why why why why would you do this? Oh and where's Quinn? Is she good? What does she think of my talent?"

"Don't ask me questions when my reasons don't even make sense to me anymore. Please, stop with everything that you're doing with your mouth. God I freaking hate this! I've kidnapped an idiot."

"My parents are going to demand an explanation!"

"I told them you were with Quinn planning the wedding."

"Is that where we're going?"

"No! _I_ told them that so obviously it's a lie. Listen to what other people are saying. I just feel like you and Fabray have had it a little too easy and it's time to spice your relationship up a bit."

"Were you sent by Coach Sylvester because she wants the cheerio babies already?"

"What the hell did you just say?"

"I was just wondering if you were sent because Coach Sylvester wants us to … you know… start having the cheerio babies."

"In answer to that I'm going to turn the radio on and hope you turn your mouth off."

Santana gunned the engine once more and sped the car forward in an attempt to distract Rachel from her raging strangeness, right past some flashing red and blue lights.

* * *

"Dammit! You're like a bad luck idiot!," Santana hissed as she was forced to pull over. "Don't say anything Berry or…"

"Don't worry Santana I'll handle this," Rachel replied, drawing a facepalm from the driver.

"No Berry, no!"

"Hello ladies," the officer said as he walked up to their window. "License and registration please."

Santana flipped the glove box and started fumbling inside for the papers while Rachel beamed her smile at the suspicious looking policeman.

"Hello officer, quite a fine day we're having isn't it. I believe it would be quite nice for an on the beach picnic don't you think? I of course prefer vegan meals which suit the theme of picnics just fine."

"What are you doing?," Santana asked her through gritted teeth as she handed the documents over.

"Making conversation," Rachel replied nonchalantly.

"He's a cop not a… whatever type of person that actually likes listening to you!"

"We need to make conversation to show that we're not weirdos!"

"The opposite happens when it's conversation that's coming from you Berry!

"Do you have any idea how fast you were going ladies?," the cop asked, not caring to listen to any more strange conversation from the two girls.

"Believe me sir, you would have been going much faster if you had to drive with her," Santana replied, face and voice devoid of any sort sarcasm.

"That's untrue Santana!," a completely scandalized Rachel threw out complete with a light smack directed at the other girl's arm before she turned her attention back to the frowning man standing next to their car.

"Sir, that is severely untrue. I'll have you know that I'm very companionable in car rides. Especially long-drive situations! In fact to thank me for being as such my fathers like to thank me by always ensuring I'm extremely comfortable with a personal DVD player with my favourite shows as entertainment so I am repaid for amusing them by being able to amuse myself quietly!"

The officer looked from the still rambling Rachel back to Santana who just gave him an almost apologetic shrug.

"I can kind of see where you're going with that but a speed limit is still a limit alright? Keep to it and I'll let you go with a warning."

"Thank you officer," Santana said sincerely as she breathed a sigh of relief.

"Yes, thank you officer. Now I'll have another chance to prove to Santana how wrong she is and just how amusing I can be as a passenger."

The cop merely nodded at her before shooting a glance back at Santana.

"Good luck with _that_."

* * *

Once she had safely navigated them to their destination, Santana literally jumped out of the car and ran around it to let Rachel out.

The two looked at each other for a moment before Rachel smiled at the other girl.

"Thank you for the ride Santana," she said.

"Hey hey, I kidnapped you Berry! And don't you forget it!"

Santana wandered off to leave Rachel scampering after her into the largest building in the vicinity.

Though Santana was used to the grueling intensity of the voice they heard echoing the halls as they walked in, Rachel wasn't and found herself frozen on the spot.

"Oh come on Berry, it's a little late to freak out now. You're about to get your welcome to cheerio camp."

* * *

"Listen up ladies," Coach Sylvester roared through her megaphone at the cheerios gathered around her. "You are winners. You know why? Because I'm here. During the days you will spend here at Sue Sylvester's cheerio camp, you will eat, breathe and sleep-"

"Cheerleading?," someone shouted out.

"No! Don't interrupt! You're about to get a life full of Sue Sylvester!"

Santana sneaked in using stealth learned from her many extracurricular activities she liked to share with Brittany and happily let Rachel stand at the door, on her own looking like she was staring at a bunch of aliens she walked in on at their landing site.

Her eyes met Quinn's for a brief moment before the blonde's left hers to search and send destructive eye messages to a smirking Santana.

"What on Earth is going on here?," the Coach asked, still through her megaphone. "Berry are you lost? This is a little far from your usual territory isn't it? Are you on an errand for Santa or something? No showing up here without permission! I should have written that in the prenup…"

"Coach Sylvester please don't misunderstand, I'm not here of my own accord!," Rachel insisted as she walked in. I was kidnapped this morning! Whilst on a soymilk run for my delicious vegan pancakes I was abruptly coerced into entering an unknown vehicle and then threatened! I was threatened! Hi Quinn."

"Hi Rachel. Who threatened you? Who threatened her?"

"Be quiet Fabray! And stop looking so protective. Part of your training here is in ruthlessness not… mushy… fiancée… behavior or whatever you call that face you're making right now and those damn puppy eyes Berry is making at you. Check your schedules people! You'll find ruthlessness is to be taught from one o'clock to four o'clock right after lunch since it's best learnt just after you've eaten so you have something to throw up! It's right there in big, bold, capital letters."

All of the cheerios who have also had part of their training dedicated to survival at least made a show of perusing their schedules as none of them wanted their pieces of paper to be splattered by blood courtesy of an angry raging blonde.

Rachel, who had received no such training at that very moment had her hand raised straight up in the air as she waited for Coach Sylvester to call on her so she could explain herself further.

"Look Berry I have no idea what you even said earlier, partly because I don't care and partly since I do not speak the hobbit language. So there's pretty much no way that I'm gonna call on you just so you can speak gibberish at me again."

Sylvester paused then as she wondered what to do with the girl before she decided to pause that thought since more ranting was in order.

"I said no pets, no significant others and no parents anywhere near my cheerleading camp! I even said that I would send all pets to be hidden in Schuester's office for my own amusement AND that I would shoot any significant others I found on sight. Lucky for all of you, especially you Fabray, principal Figgins searched the bus before we were allowed to leave."

Rachel merely stood there, trying to huff indignantly but mostly just pouting with her arms folded over her chest.

"As I was trying to explain to you earlier Coach Sylvester," she began before being interrupted once again.

"Still not listening Berry and still don't care so I just have one thing to say. Santana, get out."

"Why me?," the Latina asked incredulously as she feigned innocence, standing next to Brittany and amongst the other cheerleaders as if she had always been with them.

Coach Sylvester merely narrowed her eyes at the girl as she lowered her megaphone.

Santana was about to push for innocence even though she still had Rachel by the elbow, the only thing stopping Quinn from pouncing on her was the fact that Rachel didn't seem like she was in immediate danger and Coach Sylvester was still growling.

In fact the brunette was about to start arguing again while Quinn looked like she was about to interject on her behalf but both were out-Sylvestered and left unable to say whatever they had planned.

The short haired blonde took a breath and quickly lifted her megaphone back up to her mouth, taking brisk steps steadily towards Santana and forcing the cheerios crowded around her to take a step back out of nervousness.

"Because you're _here _and I can see it in your lying breasts! Therefore I'm almost sure that this is your fault! Go run laps until your Captain deems it suitable for you to stop which will be when _I'm _tired. I need to appease her somehow, with the way she looks right now it seems to me that principal Figgins should have searched her bags too. Did you bring weapons Fabray?"

"Fine, I'll go," Santana replied, annoyed when Rachel tried to follow her.

"Me too, this is a cheerio even and I so obviously don't belong here as my talents lie in the arts and not in sweating. If somebody could point me towards the exit…"

Coach Sylvester narrowed her eyes at the girl and motioned for Becky to restrain Rachel.

Unfortunately for the girl, her Captain was quicker and even managed to deliver a slight flick to her forehead before standing protectively beside the brunette.

"I saw that Fabray! I'm looking right at you! I will commend you for ruthlessness but dammit don't flick Becky!," Sylvester said to her Captain, hurling the words at her angrily before turning to Rachel. "Now Berry, this is my cheerio camp, no one leaves here before they can literally cheer their hearts out. You're here now and as such you _belong _to me now. Suit up."

"Coach Sylvester, I'm quite unaware of what you actually mean by that," the brunette replied. "All I heard was excessive growling and I can't really tell much from your body language… you don't really have any."

"Fabray! Forget about Santana right now, I'm even more annoyed that she brought Berry with her so she can run until _I_ say she can stop. You take the rest of the cheerios to get settled in their rooms. Check for contraband, there is to be no unauthorized food consumption while you're here. Or ever. Pierce, you take Berry to go get changed. I don't want cheerio babies being produced right at this moment."

"But Coach Sylvester, I was about to go cheer on Santana with her running," Brittany said with a pout.

"It's fine, I'll take Rachel to get changed," Quinn cut in quickly.

"What did I just say about cheerio babies?"

"Ooh, how's it feel to get Quinn-blocked Romeo?," Santana called as she collected her gear.

"Laps airbags! You're messing with team bonding early, that isn't scheduled until the last day!"

"What's wrong with the clothes I'm wearing now?," Rachel asked in response only to have the whole room turn on her.

"Everything!," they chorused.

That is, everyone but Quinn who merely shook her head at the turn of events.

* * *

Once Quinn had everyone's rooming situations planned out and all the cheerios were preparing for their training, the captain was sent outside to check if Santana was still alive.

Noticing that the girl was still jogging solidly, while throwing in a swear word or two under hear breath.

"Why would you think this is even remotely a good idea?," Quinn asked as she fell into step with the girl.

"Well before I went to sleep last night I was thinking how you had it easy…"

"Maybe you haven't actually seen what's going on with my life right now but in the span of mere days, I have gotten engaged, met gay parents who are apparently soon to be my in-laws, received numerous 'anonymous' threats to my life by some idiot who keeps signing the notes 'JBI,' had requests by weirdos to be best men, bridesmaids and for the love of gosh… priests at my wedding and yesterday I had to restrain myself from causing serious physical harm to our cheer competition because they got too close to you know who!"

"Well you're handling it fine aren't you, _captain?_"

"Dammit Santana I'm suddenly engaged to Rachel Berry! The only reason this is ok right now is because my head had a panic attack, seriously freaked out and ran off somewhere and still hasn't come back. Now tell me again, why would you bring her here? Try simple sentences, I can only take so much bullshit in one day."

"I thought your reaction would be interesting," Santana replied with a shrug.

"Damn you Santana!"

"Hold that thought and prepare your thank yous Fabray. My B has done it again and there's your bride to be."

* * *

Just at that moment, Brittany was ushering an extremely shy looking Rachel in the red McKinley cheerio uniform complete with sexy ponytail.

Satana's smirk grew wider as her captain's jaw tried to make contact with the floor.

"And damn Fabray, as far as reactions go you did not disappoint."

"I don't know what you're talking about Santana."

"Well then just to clarify I'm talking about the way you're looking like you're gonna conjure up a gust of wind out of nowhere just to strip Berry of that cheerio uniform any moment now."

"As much as Rachel… suits that uniform I can assure you that nothing of the sort is going to happen."

"You're even starting to talk like her. You are hella hot and bothered blondie, don't even try to deny it."

Quinn shut her eyes for a moment to try and calm whatever reaction was taking place inside of her only to have her moment smashed to pieces by Santana's sing-song voice.

"Think fast Romeo, here comes Juliet!"

* * *

"Hi Quinn," Rachel said nervously as she approached. "You look kinda sweaty."

"And you look great Rachel. Ah wait, I mean… yeah I was running with Santana so… I sweated. But that's not to say that I can't run. I can run. I can run for miles because I'm used to running. I have great stamina… for running I can just run forever. Wow why hasn't anybody stopped me from talking?"

The two looked back at the Latina who they thought would have interrupted with a snarky comment by that then.

"Oh don't mind me, I think Quinn can set up her own train wreck at this point."

* * *

As unexpected as it was, Quinn's savior came in the form of Sue Sylvester who was marching the rest of the cheerios onto the field.

"Alright ladies, time to get it together, show me why you're the ones I've let on this squad and consequently kept alive even through all those grueling practices. Show me why I choose to train you instead of thinking up more jokes on Will Schuester's hair!"

Quinn took her cue to stand before the other girls, making sure to not so gently nudge Santana's shoulder as she jogged away.

Sylvester caught the Latina's slight tumbled and once again turned her megaphone towards her.

" Santana don't die yet I need you as part of the pyramid. Berry, good job not looking ridiculous since I've removed your ability to choose your own clothing. Note that that ability will stay removed for the duration of this camp and should stay removed for the duration of your life. I'll allow you to argue that point with Fabray later. Now come over here while the others work."

"I'm not included in the work? Why is that? Do cheerios get solos? Coach you may or may not be aware of this but I specialize in solos so…"

"Berry just no. No to everything you have to say from now and forever. Now come here."

"Coach as a kidnapped member of this squad I would like to demand you treat me with the same gruff rudeness that you use to treat everybody else!"

"Berry just come here! You just watch. If I put you on top of the pyramid, they'll throw you off and you'll die. If I put you at the bottom of the pyramid, you'll get crushed and you'll die. My hands are tied as no deaths are allowed so get your ass over here and sit this one out."

* * *

As ordered, Rachel spent the next three hours watching the cheerios run through their routines over and over until some had actually turned green and were forced to run for the nearest bathrooms.

When Coach called for a necessary 'most of you are passed out so we can't practice the pyramid anymore' break, Rachel took the opportunity to present notes that no one had even noticed she was writing.

The girl confidently made her way in front of the dying group of girls while even their Captain and snarky co-captain were silently trying to catch their breaths.

"Well everyone, since we've found ourselves with a little down time I would like to tell you that though that wasn't bad, I believe we all need to put in a little more pep "Rachel Berry as a cheerleader? Choke me now," one of the cheerios sneered at the girl.

"Gladly," Santana replied, too tired to notice she was somewhat standing up for Rachel Berry.

"Cool off Santana, your fangs are showing," Quinn said, keeping her voice unemotional though the Latina figured the attitude mostly stemmed from the fact her protective duties were stolen from her.

Rachel, oblivious to the little exchange just continued with her rant.

" I mean if I was playing the character of a cheerleader I would definitely focus a lot more on the pep. You people look like you're just unhappily tossing unhappy bodies into the air and trying to catch them before they die. Where's your stage presence? Where's your stage faces? Where are those shining smiles?"

"Berry what in the hell do you think you're doing?"

Sue Sylvester was severely unamused. Here was a girl who had no idea about cheer, daring to assistant coach all over _her _ cheerios!

"I'm merely acting like a cheerleader!," the girl replied easily. "I am still Rachel Berry, not a cheerleader but I am Rachel Berry, an actress… merely acting like a cheerleader. Coach? You're making that face people make when they've stopped listening to me. Should I start from the beginning and repeat myself?"

"Berry give me one good reason why I shouldn't punch you in the face right now."

"Umm… I'm underage?"

"That isn't a reason!"

"Well because I'm right! Look at them coach! They have no pep! They are supposed to be cheer leaders but they can't lead cheer because they're pepless! They have no pep how many times do I have to say it?"

At some point during her tirade, Rachel picked up a couple of pompoms lying on the stands and started shaking them around as she continued chanting about the cheerio's lack of pep drawing a scoff from Santana and a groan from Quinn.

The other cheerios merely looked, several mixed reactions emanating from the group.

"What is she _doing_?," some whispered.

"Berry is daring to try show us up at cheering at our cheerio camp?"

From right next to the still chanting Rachel stood a near silent Sue Sylvester. _Near _silent because if one listened closely they would hear the gears slowly turning in her head.

"This is genius," she whispered to herself before shouting it through her megaphone. "This is genius! Anyone would have failed and just forgone the death rule and killed Rachel Berry on sight but I, Sue Sylvester will make this work! So well it will set Will Schuester's gel dipped head on fire."

"Somebody go get the fire extinguisher quick, it's unlikely to stay confined to just Mr. Schue's head," Quinn deadpanned.

"We need to turn that attitude around Fabray, after all I'm giving _your _fiancée a little training in how to raise little cheerio babies starting from you yourself."

"That is some kind of kinky coach," Santana snickered to herself.

Rachel finally stopped her cheering as she heard the thud that was Quinn sitting herself on the ground. Running to the girl to check if she was alright, the brunette was merely met with a lopsided smile.

"You go ahead and do what you're doing Rach, I'm just gonna sit here, stare at the sky, and give up on the troubles of life."

* * *

**A.N**

Here's the next installment guys, thanks once again for reading and leaving comments as they make me feel like this is worth writing.

Hope to have more written up soon!

See you next time :)


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